How Will One be Remembered?

Have you ever asked yourself, how will you be remembered by others?



I have contemplated this question many times throughout my life; but often find this question looming in my mind when someone passes from this earthly existence.

While subbing for Weber School District, I fell in love with a particular school (Roy Junior High School). Most of my days subbing took place at this school. I have had the privilege of meeting, working with, and being taught by some of the most incredible people (most of them being students)! While I didn't know every student, I made it a point to get to know as many as I could. On Facebook the other day a teacher from Roy Junior posted about a girl who attended RJHS. This young girl was not one that I had often in class, but she was one that caught your attention in the halls. She was a student who's standards were so high that you wished every student was just like her. Her spirit glowed from the outside. There was not a time that I didn't see this girl smiling, saying hi, or helping someone in need. Her family moved after junior high school, so I never saw her again until this teacher posted about her.... www.hopeforallisa.com

Allisa was diagnosed with a brain tumor three years ago. She had surgery, went through chemo and radiation, and things were starting to look up for her. In November she started to feel sick again. She went to the doctor and test were run...her tumor has returned but stronger than ever. This tumor is inoperable and her family is now cherishing the time they have left with Allisa.

While I hardly know Allisa, her story has taught me that there is more to life than having the best car, the most money, or the largest group of friends. Life should be centered around our Lord and Saviour. It is through them that we are here on this earth. It is their will and we should guide our life as such. When my time comes to leave this earthy journey; I hope to be remembered as someone who thought of others first, someone who worked hard at life's challenges, someone who smiles through tribulation, and someone who mirrored Jesus Christ.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the Berry family. I thank them for raising such an exemplary daughter!

Thanksgiving 2011...

Thanksgiving was spent at our house again this year (my mom had to work); we usually go to my Grandpa & Grandma Helm's house. It was nice to stay home again this year, it seems more relaxed at home; not so much tension.

This year I was able to cook dinner again (minus the turkey, dad still makes the best so I don't want to mess with perfection!). Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday; I don't know what it is about it, but I really love it. I think it has to do with it being Autumn, the entire holiday is centered around food, and it really is a laid-back holiday. Anyways, I had been thinking for quite some time what I wanted to cook for dinner. Yesterday finally arrived and I was able to make: mashed potatoes with gravy, rolls, green bean casserole, an orange jello salad (which I don't eat), stuffing, and two pies. It turned out so yummy! I tried a new stuffing recipe and this was my first time baking pies.

I am a dork and decided to take pictures of the food...I wasn't able to take pictures of everything.



The turkey--we don't know why the top didn't brown in our roaster


The best stuffing (wasn't cooked yet)...I will post the recipe below!


Coconut Cream Pie--Kari doesn't like pumpkin so we had to have an alternative!


Yummy--Pumpkin Pie



Okay here is the stuffing recipe, I hope I can remember it all!

* 1 package of Johnsonville Sausage (either ground or links; if using links make sure to remove casings)
* 12 slices of New York Garlic Texas Toast (found in the frozen food section)
* 2 cups celery (chopped)
* 1 cup onion (chopped)
* 1-2 cups mushrooms (sliced)
* 2-4 tbsp butter
* 1 tsp sage
* 1-2 cups chicken stock
* 2 eggs (beaten)
* salt and pepper to taste

Directions:
Preheat oven 425 degrees. Bake Texas toast for 10 minutes, remove, let cool completely, and reduce oven temperature to 350 degrees. While bread is cooling, brown sausage until no pink then drain well. In same pan you cooked sausage, melt butter and saute celery, onions, and mushrooms. Cube bread into 1 inch cubes (I did about 1/2 inch). In large bowl combined bread, cooked sausage, and sauteed vegetables. Making sure to mix evenly. Then add eggs, sage, salt, and pepper. Finally add chicken stock to moisten bread (first time I made this I used the full 2 cups, but second time I only used 1 cup). Bake covered in a lightly sprayed 9X13 pan for 50 minutes, then uncovered for an additional 10 minutes! Enjoy!!

*Side note: the original recipe had 1 cup green peppers instead of mushrooms, but since my family doesn't like green peppers I omitted them and used mushrooms!

Simple Quilts...

I am so grateful for my Grandma Helm and her willingness to share her talents with me. When I was in Young Womens one of my projects was to learn how to quilt. My grandma was willing to take time out of her day and teach me how. She and I tied a queen size quilt, learned more about each other, and just shared some time together.

Now that several years have passed; I still keep that time with my grandma very close to my heart. Every time I sit to tie a quilt I remember stories or comments she made to me. I was reminded of some stories as I tied another quilt this week for a friend's Christmas gift.

Even though my grandma is still here, she won't be forever, but those memories and the ability to quilt will be!



The quilt I started this week, it is finished now, but this is it half way done.



Close up of the fabric; back is a solid dark purple

I am thankful for...

Fall semester brought several classes my way, but one in particular has been a wonderful experience, Methods for Health Education. I have learned more from this one class, then I have through all of my schooling!

The class prepares those that are going into health education, whether they will be teaching in a school, in the hospital, or out in the community it provides them with the tools they will need.

In this class we, the students, have done all of the teaching. Each student has done a 55 minute presentation, a 20 minute presentation, and then will conclude with a 10 minute presentation. I believe I enjoy this class so much because it is hands on. Most of the presentations have activites to get us out of our seats and interactive with what is being taught. I have learned so many new teaching strategies and things I know I will use in the future.

I am grateful for this class, Dr. Patti Cost (Dr. C.), and for the students who have inspired me to want to learn more.

Whirlwind of events coming to an end...

After my last post I have gone through a whirlwind of testing to figure out what is going on with my body. On October 27th I had my MRI (something I will never do again). After they put the IV in (my MRI was done with a contrast) I was moved into the tunnel. I thought I would do just fine, but then they started to ask me to hold my breath; which is what made me panic a bit. After the MRI I had a couple of weeks before meeting with the doctor to review my results. I also at this time had some blood drawn to check my liver and pancreas.
The day finally arrived to meet with the doctor and review my test results. The MRI came back showing absolutely nothing, so it was back to square-one. However, the blood work they did showed that my liver enzymes were elevated (normal is 40, mine were 246); this means, you got it, more tests! I believe the final count of tests being ran was 15. Again, I had to wait another two weeks before finding out the results.
Yesterday, I met with the doctor to go over the new findings. I am happy to report it is nothing serious! It is simply a viral infection….Mononucleosis…often referred to as Mono. This explains why I have been feeling so run down lately, why my body aches all of the time, and why it never seems like I get enough sleep.
As for the chest pain I was experiencing the doctor believes it is residual pain from my gallbladder. I guess it is more common than one would think. Instead of getting pain from the gallbladder the bile duct will contract and mimic the same type of pain. He is starting my on some medication that will prevent the pain!
I am excited to get back to normal life and to be away from the hospital for a long long while!!!!

On a more positive note, Fall Semester 2011 is almost over!!!

This, that, and the other.....

Where does one begin? It has been far too long since I posted anything on this blog, so much has been going on I haven't had the time.

For starters on September 17, 2011 I took dad to the ER. He was experiencing some pain in his stomach area. At first we just went to Insta-care, but they sent us to the ER--they thought that he had kidney stones (boy were they wrong!). When we got to the ER, they did some test and found out that he had an infection. They were unsure where the infection was coming from, but the numbers were so high they had to admit him. On top of it all his WBC and Platelets were extremely low again.

He was in the hospital for five or six days (I can't remember). However, during his stay the infection moved to his blood which cause for more concern. While in the hospital they ran several test to monitor his organs and make sure the infection didn't do any damage. Since being released from the hospital he has been on an antibiotic for almost six weeks now (they put a Picc-line in), he has had surgery to remove scar tissue and allow him to urinate--during this surgery the urologist stated that he feels the infection is coming from his bladder, and his WBC and Platelets have remained low.




We are kind of back at the beginning of everything, but on the plus side dad is finally feeling a little better!


So, after dad was released I started to get my mind back into school. I finished the entire application process for the Education Program at Weber State University. The interview they administer was difficult and made me really think on my feet! My school work has been steady and strong (only 6 more Mondays in this semester!) I have been trying to stay focused and dedicated to what I need to accomplish. However, it has been a bit difficult to do. If it isn't one thing, it is something else in our family. Two weeks ago I started to have chest pain. It started on a Saturday, I kept ignoring it and hoping it would go away. On the following Tuesday it was extreme pain--I have a high pain tolerance and this brought tears to my eyes. So, on Wednesday I stopped into Insta-care on my way home from school. The doctor I saw was concerned that I might have a Pulmonary Embolism (blood-clot in my lung). He decided it was best if we did an EKG and a Chest-X-ray. My x-ray came back normal, but my EKG had a few indicators of blood-clot, this meant more tests. I was sent to the hospital where I had a CT scan. Luckily this scan came back negative for blood-clots and I was sent home. Dr. Winn (Insta-care) said that if I was still having pain to keep him informed. The following Tuesday I was still having pain, so I went in for another appointment with Dr. Winn. We discussed a few possibilities for chest pain in someone my age (anxiety, heartburn, etc...). Suddenly, Dr. Winn asked if he had me drink something the time before. I stated, no and he quickly had the nurse bring in this white mixture. The white mixture coated my esophagus and numbed it which took away my pain. Dr. Winn now was beginning to think my chest pain was due to heartburn--so he scheduled a EGD Scope.




On Thursday, October 20th I had a scope down my esophagus and to my stomach. Dr. Porter performed this, but before he did the procedure he asked me a few questions. One was, why are you here? I explained my chest pain and the proceeding tests. He asked if they ever checked my gallbladder, I laughed and told him I had that removed in February. He then asked if I had stones in my gallbladder--the answer, yes. He explained that even though the gallbladder is removed the bile duct can still form stones. He said he would still do the scope and check things out (everything was great), but he wanted to run some more test (of course!). Dr. Porter is having some blood work done on my pancreas and my liver. I am also going in for an MRI of my abdomen on Thursday, October 27th to check for stones. We will hope for the best and see what the outcomes are!!



On a more positive note....I was ACCEPTED into Weber State University's Education Program for Spring 2012!!!! All of the worry and stress is over, I am beyond excited to finish up school and begin my career as a teacher!!!

Life Adventures continued....

My schedule has not permitted me to blog as often as I would like, but I am posting things as they happen in my life. Fall semester has officially started, we are already on week three. I am taking some easy classes, but courses that are needed to finish up my degree. I am taking Earthquakes and Volcano, Advanced Writing; Grammar, Style and Usage, Human Sexuality, and Methods in Health Education. So far I would have to say my favorite class is my methods class. We are the ones teaching the class, in order to learn different teaching methods. We will be creating health lesson plans, bulletin boards, PSA's, and getting tons of feedback on ways to improve our teaching methods!

I officially submitted my application to the Education Program at Weber. My interview is scheduled for September 26, 2011 and I should know if I am accepted by the end of October!

Several months ago I posted about my weight issues . It is something I have struggled with for a large part of my life. I began in February after my gallbladder surgery working on losing some weight. I weighed myself this morning and have lost 24 pounds since February! I don't really know how I am losing the weight, I don't feel like I am doing anything to promote it. I also don't notice any change with my clothes or my body---hopefully the scale I am using is right :-)

Anyways, nothing really exciting is happening in my life and I haven't been writing at all. Maybe one day I will actually get on top of all the things I want to do in life!!!

Thanks for reading!

Puppies, school, and essays; Oh my!

So, it has been quite some time since I have been able to post. There is so much to write about, I hope I can remember it all.

To start with our family got a new puppy! We got her about three weeks ago, her name is Dakota and she is a landseer Newfoundland. Kacee got her sister and her name is Bailey. They are 11 weeks old today and are quite the handfuls. They are pretty funny. As they get older they will get big; they are called gentle giants and will get to be about 120-160 pounds. Even though they are a lot of work, they are also a lot of fun.


Dakota


Bailey


Dakota (left) and Bailey (right)--this picture will give you an idea of how big they are and they are only 10 weeks old in this picture!


Mid-run...they like to play keep away with their toys, then the one without the toy will chase the one with around the room.


Summer semester ended!!! I am now down to only 4 semesters left...yes, I said 4!!!!! This semester was relaxed and fairly easy; I was able to get A's in both classes I took. I am a bit nervous for fall semester, because I will have class from 7 am until 2:30 pm; then I have to be to work at 5pm...I just hope I have time to actually study!

Finally, I have been working hard to finish up everything for my application to the education program. I took my CAAP test on June 4th and passed it on the first try! I just completed my essay (just need to have Kacee proof read it for me), and I will be submitting my application as soon as summer semester grades show up on my transcript. Then all I have left is my interview. It is all happening so fast, I have been working for so many years to get to this point it is just crazy it is finally here! I have attached my essay below (again, it hasn't been proofed yet)!


Education Essay:

Every child dreams of what they want to be when they grow up; I was no different. Dreaming of becoming a dentist, a nurse, or even someone who was going to end world hunger; it was not until third grade when my teacher, Miss Higgs, showed me compassion that I knew what I was going to be when I grew up.

My desire of becoming a teacher started while trying to write the letter ‘G’ in cursive one day in Miss Higgs’ classroom. Every day we had a specific letter we had to practice in cursive. If we completed our set number of letters to Miss Higgs’ standards we could go out to recess. On this particular day I struggled. I worked very hard—after erasing and trying again several times, I finally walked up to Miss Higgs to show her my paper. She looked at my work, then at me and said, “Go try again.” I went back to my desk discouraged, I remember staring at my paper and thinking, there is no way I was going to write the letter ‘G’ in cursive. Miss Higgs must have seen that I was discouraged; she stood up from her desk and asked me to come to the chalkboard. She drew two solid lines and a dotted line in between. She then handed me the chalk and said to draw the letter ‘G’. I tried several times, before I put the chalk on the tray in frustration. My exact words to her were, “I can’t do it.” Miss Higgs handed me the chalk again with a smile, she stood behind me, held my left hand and glided it the proper way. We did this several more times; she then asked “do you think you can do it on your own, now that you know what the motions feel like?” Miss Higgs took a step back and watched as I successfully wrote a cursive letter ‘G’ on the chalkboard. I felt so happy that I accomplished something that I was struggling with. Miss Higgs then turned to me, looked me in the eyes and said, “I don’t ever want to hear you say “I can’t do it” again!” “I want you to know I will never give up on you, so you can’t give up on yourself!”

I want to have the same impact on my students, the same way Miss Higgs impacted my life. As a substitute teacher for Weber School District, I was able to see first-hand the impact I can have on my students. Even though I was only a substitute, the students in the class that I was subbing were my students. In the five years that I had the privilege of being a substitute I learned many things, such as: patience, understanding, teaching methods that work and some that do not, discipline techniques, and I learned that every student just wants someone to show compassion towards them.

One moment in particular that taught me the most occurred while doing a four-month assignment in a junior high math class. During this time I had a student, Emily, who spent a lot of time in my classroom. Every morning Emily would come in to talk with me about her family, school, friends, etc..., after school Emily also came in to receive help on her math homework. I did not think of the impact I possibly could be having on Emily; I only thought I was doing my job. Upon the conclusion of my four-month assignment, I was cleaning up my desk where I stumbled upon a note. I opened the note and discovered it was from Emily. The note expressed Emily’s gratitude to me. She shared with me that during this time I was the only constant in her life; that she felt like her world was coming to an end, except when she could talk with me. She told me that her parents were getting a divorce, her friends started to abandon her, and her grades were low except for her math grade. Emily told me that it was because I was willing to listen that she was able to overcome this trial. Finally, Emily thanked me for being someone who cared. This little note of appreciate from her taught me that teaching is exactly what I need to be doing with my life.

Through the years I have remembered the words Miss Higgs said to me, they have been the guiding force behind my desire to teach students. I hope to be just like Miss Higgs; by being someone who inspires, guides, comforts, and is an example to her students.





Thanks for reading!

Do You Hear the People Sing?

I have talked several times about my love for Broadway and for music in general. Well, my family and I were lucky enough to attend Les Miserables on Sunday, May 29, 2011. This was our third time seeing it and it did not disappoint!










Here is a link to a video of my favorite parts of the show (sorry not computer savvy, so I don't know how to load the video)

http://youtu.be/77br_LeQ77Y

Another of life's little adventures....

Today's post is not something I don't talk about that often, if fact I try to avoid the subject as much as possible. That is my weight! I have struggled with my weight for a large part of my life. It has always been a constant battle; one not many people understand. There have been times when I have hated myself because of my weight. There are so many different ways I've tried to lose the weight. There are times I have been humiliated, teased, and tortured because of my weight. The hardest part of being made fun of is that I have tried to lose the weight; it is not something I enjoy in my life (like some of my fellow classmates thought)yet they don't understand the pain they caused me. I was in the 5th grade when I really noticed I was heavier than my classmates, not because I visually saw it, but because the other kids made sure to point it out. As I have grown older I have tried to figure out when and why I started to gain the weight. I don't really have the answer quite yet, but I believe a large part of the weight is built as a shield; a way to protect myself from getting hurt (even though it didn't work very well, it only brought more pain). There was a time in junior high school that I finally had enough of the comments that I went to the extreme. I remember that I went to my P.E. teacher (Mrs. Smith), I told her that I needed help in losing some weight. At this time I don't know how much I weighed, but she agreed to meet with me before school and help me work out. I went to the gym every morning and worked out with my teacher, I made sure I put all of my heart into gym class later in the day, and I did what no girl should ever do...I stopped eating. I quickly started to lose the weight and the comments started to change from being called "Shamu" to "Wow! Sam, you are looking great!" I liked it and kept with it for the rest of the year. Again, I don't recall how much I weighed, but in my mind I was getting healthy and people were noticing. Well, Mrs. Smith left Roy Junior and I quickly put the weight back on; in fact I kept gaining over the years. Junior high school was an incredible time for me despite the name calling and comments. In high school I continued to gain, unfortunately the names continued all the way to graduation day (toughest was walking to get my diploma and boys made comments as I walked by). I allowed my weight to dictate my life. I missed out on so many opportunities and adventures because I felt I was to heavy and I would be judged.

I don't write this down today for sympathy or kind words, I write down my experiences as motivation for myself. At the beginning of January I hit my all time highest weight and it scared me. In February I had my surgery, I went to a doctors appointment on April 12th and I had lost 14 pounds. I wanted to keep up this weight loss in a healthy way. So, I have decided to eat healthier and exercise daily (simple I know)! Since April I have lost an additional 3 pounds.It is coming slowly, but surely. My goal is to lose 30 pounds by the end of the year. It doesn't seem like a lot, but I know it will take a lot.

So, I close with encouraging words to myself....

The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination. - Tommy Lasorda

What to blog?

School seems to be the story of my life. I ended another semester at Weber, only five more remain!!!! This summer semesters is pretty relaxed; I am taking a health educator's class online and then I also have a British Lit class that will start at the end of June. Until then I have been studying for my CAAP test. I will be taking it June 4th. This test is required to apply to the education department. It mimics the ACT. Also, I didn't end up getting the straight A's I hoped for, but I did get 3 A's and a B!

Since I am tired of just writing about school and I haven't really been writing poems or stories as often as I should--- I don't really know what to write about. I will however, give a quick update on my dad. It has been a few months since I have talked about the whole WBC & platelets. Dad went to Huntsman Cancer Institute where he was evaluated. They looked at the bone marrow biopsy that he had done in March (I believe), they too stated that it is not Leukemia. WHEW!!!! They are not really sure what is going on. One of the doctors believed it could be Myelodysplastic syndrome (pre-leukemia), but he didn't feel confident in making that diagnosis. They sent dad home with really no answers and we are back to square one. Dad eventually got over his sinus infection (it took several months), he still gets tired easily, and his counts are still low. However, dad has made it very clear he isn't going to worry if the doctors are not worrying. He isn't on any treatments for it and the last blood test showed that his counts were normal again. I guess we will just live life and worry later! :-)

Thanks for reading and I am sure I will add some poems and stories soon!

Cards....

Cards that I made for people that are graduating this year.

From drab to fab...

What does one do with plain dish towels? Add a little fabric to make them look better!

Step 1: Buy dish towels
Step 2: Use cricut to cut out designs with decorative fabric
Step 3: Cut out fabric
Step 4: Sew fabric design onto dish towels



White dish cloth


Added fabric flowers


Yellow dish towel



Added fabric border


Different view of the yellow towel

Sewing is my relaxation...

I have had a little extra time since Spring Semester is dwindling down. So, I decided to do some more sewing projects. I have done a few receiving blankets and matching burp cloths. I had someone ask me if I was trying to tell people something, NO!!!! I am not announcing I'm expecting a baby, nor will I be any time soon. I am making these, because I enjoy doing it. I also give them away as gifts; I have had several friends/family members announce they are expecting. Since things are so expensive I have made things for them instead of buying. I often pull out my sewing machine when I have a lot weighing on my mind. It allows me to be alone with my thoughts. So, people are getting gifts and I am able to relax a little!

Here are my receiving blankets and matching burp cloths:


Receiving blanket with frog print--background is green stripe


Burp cloth front and back with frog print



Receiving blanket with duck print--background is yellow checkered



Burp cloth front and back with duck print


Burp cloth pink pig/flower with green stripe back


Burp cloth pink pig/flower with pink checkered back

Crafty bug...

Every once in awhile I get the crafty bug and need to work on a project! I really enjoy working on crafts and I find myself coming up with new ones everyday. One that I have been working for quite some time now is a patchwork baby quilt. I am teaching myself how to do it, so it is coming along very slowly. I posted about it before, but decided I should post pictures now for future reference! Pictures are not the best, because I took them with my phone.


I love the fabric I am using, it is really cute!


Another view of fabric. If you were in person you could see the design it is starting to create. I traced the design from a quilt my Great-Grandma Dodge made for my parent's wedding as inspiration.


Full quilt thus far! I only have a few runs left to do, but again slowly learning. I learn something new the further I go. I also still need to stitch it so it will lay flatter and not look so bunchy.

Another fun crafty thing I have fallen in love with is making cards! I made all of our Christmas cards this past year and here are a few others I have made:


I made this one for my Aunt Mutt! It was a simple card, I just took different papers and layered them and then embelished with stickers. The back was used for a little letter/note.


I made this one for my boss; he is moving to Califonia (thus the scuba guy). The group of people I work with and I wanted to do something nice before he left. A card was something on the list. Again, this was an easy card. I just layered paper and tied a ribbon around it. Then I layered the blue paper on top with the scuba guy I made with my Cricut.

Festival of Colors 2011...

Today I went to Spanish Fork with Aimee (a girl I work with at WSU) and her friend Daniel for the festival of colors. The festival of colors is the Hindu holiday celebrating the welcoming of spring and the mythological triumph of good over evil. It was located at a temple in Spanish Fork. Every few hours there would be a countdown, and a kaleidoscopic explosion of colors filled the air like a powdered rainbow. There was an array of yummy Indian food and lots of lively music. It was a great way to release pressure and tension of everyday life; people dance, and sing and leave everything behind on that field. You forget about race or genders or whatever once you're covered with colors and look like aliens from a different planet. Everything just melts away and we ended up having the time of our lives!!!!

Here are some pictures:




Daniel, Aimee, and Myself waiting for the shuttle to the temple of fun!


This was right after we got there, we were buying our own colors.


Enjoying the yummy Indian food




Standing in one of the temple towers getting a view of all the people




The beautiful temple


Myself, Daniel, and Aimee all colorful right before we headed home.

Who knew throwing colored chalk at people could be so much fun? It was a really fun day!!!!!

Dad update...

So, things have taken me away from keeping up on this blog once again. However, I have come to terms with this fact, I will never be one that updates and post regularly.

Here is a quick update on what has been happening in my life and the lives of the Burton family.

As for me, I am still working hard in all of my classes...only five more weeks left of this semester!!! I have healed from my surgery wonderfully and at my two week appointment all of my restrictions were lifted. I finally heard back from "Metaphor" (Weber State's literary journal), none of the pieces I submitted will be included in this edition. It hurt to hear that, but then again I don't consider myself that great of a writer so all is well. I will include on this post the three pieces I submitted (yes, they are included in earlier post, but I have made modifications to them).

As for the rest of the Burtons, life is still an up and down roller coaster. Dad finally figured out why his face has been swelling, he is allergic to the antibiotic the doctor proscribed. Now that he is no longer on that the only concern is figuring out why his white blood count and platelets are so low. When he was admitted to the hospital back in February his white blood count was at 2.1 (normally between 5 &10) and his platelets were 10 (normally 150-400). Therefore his body would not be able to fight the infection that he had. While he was in the hospital they gave him some platelet transfusions which brought his WBC to 4.5 and his platelets to 97. Still low, but manageable.

Upon being released from the hospital he has gone through several tests. His counts have started to decrease once again. They did a bone marrow biopsy (he had one a few years ago too)but this showed exactly the same thing it did last time---nothing. He has seen an ear, nose, and throat specialist but was told they don't think that is causing any of the problems. Dr. Hansen (the oncologist at McKay Dee) has referred my dad to Huntsman's Cancer Institute since he does not know what is going on. My dad has an appointment next week with them and hopefully we can get a name, condition, and treatment for whatever is going on. My dad is staying hopeful and positive throughout all of this. He has been going to work trying to keep his mind occupied. This week he is finally starting to sound and look better (we believe the sinus infection is finally leaving his system after 2 months). I will post once we know more! Thank you to all our friends and family who have been keeping us in your thoughts and prayers we truly feel them!





As stated above, these are the pieces I submitted to "Metaphor"....

my poems....

Gift of Freedom

Red, White, and Blue
Oh, how can I repay you?
You stand at attention
And yet often go unmentioned.

Your loved ones stand by
So that our flag can fly;
You fight for our voice
and to give us a choice.

Red, White, and Blue
Oh, how can I repay you?
You put yourself in danger,
all for some strangers.

You die so we can live
It’s such a precious gift you give.
As I stand by your grave
I’m grateful you were brave.

Masquerade
Every day is like Halloween,
I wake up and put on a different mask.
Some days I am Bo-Bo the Clown,
laughing away my tears.
Other days I am a biker chick—
my tough exterior hiding the fear I have within.
I once was an heiress to some grand fortune
just to be accepted into a group.
At times I feel like Perfect Penny,
too afraid to show people that I am human.
But, being all of these people is getting exhausting
I am ready to remove my mask and
for the first time be myself!

Crazy week...

Life has been turned a little upside down this past week. I am one that likes to follow a routine and this week has been so disorderly. It started off bad back at the end of January, our sweet Picasso (our family dog) had been having mini seizure/stroke episodes. So, we took her to the vet. He told us it was a simple urinary track infection and to give her these pills and keep and eye on her. Well starting the first week of February she would not eat and kept throwing up at night. So, my dad called the vet and spoke with them; they ordered a x-ray for her. When he took her to get the x-ray she had another one of those episodes..this one being the worse she has had. After this episode she was unable to stand or walk. The vet kept her overnight to hopefully regain some strength and the next day they wanted to do an ultrasound. My dad drove to Salt Lake for her to have the ultrasound. What they found was cancer--everywhere throughout her body. My parents were the ones with her at this time and they made the decision (one I agree with, but it's still difficult) that it would be best to end her pain and suffering and put her down.



She was the sweetest dog, who loved the snow but hated water. She loved to leap and jump on her bones then carry them in her mouth to show everyone what she had. She was so protective and I will miss her greatly.



My week continued to be stressful, my first surgery was on Feb. 4th. I was scheduled to be there bright and early (6:30am), and surgery was at 7:30am. My dad was the one that was able to come with me; which I was so grateful for. He is the only one besides my sister Kacee who can calm me down. My surgeon is a wonderful man and was able to joke around to put me at ease as well. Everything went really smoothly. My gallbladder was removed. After they remove it they open it up and look at it. Inside there was found gallstones that the ultrasound missed. So not only did it not function properly I had gallstones that cause all my pain. I have been recouping and trying to keep my mind occupied. I am not one to sit and just do nothing so it has been difficult.

It has also been difficult, because I haven't felt up to being there for my family when they need me. On Saturday, Feb. 5th my dad woke up with his lips, cheeks, and nose swollen. He went to the Dr. and was told it was a sinus infection. On Sunday he woke up to it being bigger. He decided to go to the E.R. instead of his Dr. They hooked up and I.V. and ran several tests. For the last few years my dad has been battling to keep his white blood cells and platelets up. They have been extremely low; they have done so many tests HIV, Hepatitis, Bone Marrow Biopsy, etc... But everything comes up negative. Well, on Sunday his platelets and white blood cells were extremely low again, so they admitted him to the hospital. This time they gave him a platelet transfusion. Yesterday his swelling was gone and we had hopes that he was being released today, but nope! They had some specialist come and check things out. One of the doctors stated that he will not release him until he figures out why is blood count is so low. He also stated that he is upset that it has gone on for so many years and that doctors have just passed him around not really trying to figure things out. Hopefully they can figure out what is causing all of these problems for my dad and get it fixed.

Hard Working Hands....

A girl who used to live in my ward, Sarah Carruth, is a photographer. A few weeks ago she posted some pictures of her father's hands and talked about them in a way I had never really thought about before. She described her father's hands by saying,

"if you want an example of strength, hard work, and love, look at my Dad's hands. You can literally tell how much life my dad has lived just by glancing at his hands. I remember being really little and holding his hands and marveling at how cracked and calloused they were. How they felt so scratchy to the touch and how his nails, even when very clean were always etched in black"

--http://sarahknightphotography.blogspot.com/2011/01/most-important-project-ill-ever-do.html

This post really tugged at my heart strings. As I read her post I imagined my own father's hands. I remember when I was younger my dad would trace my face with his fingers to help put me to sleep; his hands always so soft and gentle. My dad, like Sarah's, is such a hard worker. Always willing to put in the extra work to get something accomplished. He has used his hands to work in the yard, finish our basement,and comfort us when needed. Sarah's post inspired me to write down a poem about my dad's hands. It is not very well put together, but it is a start of something that I hope will be something I can cherish forever.



Hard Working Hands

Hands that was once beautiful and kind
Now bare the signs of daily grind.
Rigid, callused, and old
If you look closely a story is told.
Each wrinkle a chapter, each scar a test
That was written while doing their best.
They built a home, raised a family, and consoled neighbors
Now they are roadmaps of one’s own labors.
They taught, scolded, and were lifted in prayer
Always ready to dig, lift, or to share.
Now they remind us of life’s treasures
No two hands have brought so much pleasure.

Chronic Cholecystitis....

In other words a faulty gallbladder!

I had been waiting for my HIDA scan results for a few days, when I didn't hear back I called my dr. to find out what was going on. Of course they couldn't find my results, but Dr. Riggs had a note saying to contact a Dr. Joe Jensen and make an appointment.

My appointment with Dr. Jensen was today. After rushing from Weber State all the way to Davis Hospital, I got to sit in a room and wait...

Dr. Jensen finally came in, we discussed a few things (my symptoms, the test Dr. Riggs ordered, etc...). Then he started to look over my test results, 14%, that is what the HIDA scan said my gallbladder functions at. He explained that my gallbladder is not squeezing properly, the only solution, surgery.

Not the exact words I wanted to hear. So, I scheduled the day, February 4th. I am extremely nervous, I have never had surgery before. It is also the worst timing, why couldn't this have happened after I was finished with school?


Also, Dr. Jensen shared with me my results of the ultrasound...no gallstones were visible, however they did find some cysts on my left kidney. Wish I would have heard this from my primary care giver and not my surgeon, but oh well!

Life continued....

Friday was a very busy day. I went to class in the morning, then to my mom's uncle Stephen's funeral, and then to Davis hospital for the HIDA scan.

Stephen's funeral was really nice. I didn't really know Stephen that well, but I know how much he meant to my mom. It was nice to hear my grandpa talk about some of the memories he had of Stephen and how much he meant to him and my grandma. My family does not like to show their emotions that often, so it is nice when they actually do.

After the funeral part my dad and I had to leave for Davis Hospital. My appointment was scheduled at 1pm and I was taken back right away. They put an I.V. in my arm (which went smoother than I thought, my veins are really hard to find). The tech. injected a radioactive dye through the I.V., I had to wait a couple minutes before we could begin the rest of the process. After a few minutes I got onto a table (which was more like a board) to begin. The picture below is similar to what the machine looked like...



The tech. pushed some buttons and I began moving back towards the image zone. This is where the hard part began; I was not allowed to move anymore. In fact they put a wrap around my arms to keep them in place. On the right side of me I had two computer monitors where I could watch when an image was being taken and how long it would last. On the other monitor was the images that were being taken. It was cool to watch the dye move from my liver to eventually my gallbladder. This process took an hour. After this part the tech hooked up a drip into my I.V. that had a drug that would make my gallbladder contract. It was supposed to simulate my gallbladder releasing bile. This part was a bit painful, since it mimicked the pain that I have been having. During this time the machine would take an image every minute and lasted a full 30 minutes.

At 3:20pm the tech. happily stated, "okay we are all done now!"---music to my ears! I was so grateful to be able to move. After the 1.5 hours though I was pretty stiff. I should have the results either Tuesday or Wednesday. I will update then!!!

Life....

Things have been pretty busy for me the last few weeks. I started another semester of school and I am loving it. I have four wonderful classes that have opened me up to looking within myself more. One of my classes is a substance abuse class; we have an assignment to attend an AA or NA meeting. Since I had the first week of school off from work, I decided I would get a jump start on my assignment. I did a little research online and saw that there was an AA meeting being held in Roy, so I decided I would go to it.

I walked into the church building a little apprehensive, but left feeling very humble. As I listened to each person's stories of how they got to their own situation, how they fought against it, and how they started the recovery process I felt selfish for reacting the way I do to some of my so called "stresses". I learned a lot about life, God, trust, love, acceptance, and courage that night. It is something I will keep in my heart forever!

Besides going to school I have been working and studying a lot. I am determined to get straight A's this semester. I also switched doctors. I didn't feel like my old one really listened to me, everything that is wrong with me is due to my weight. Yes, I know I am fat and that I need to do something about it, but not all of my symptoms I am feeling is due to my weight. So, I switched! I went to my first appointment with Dr. Riggs on January 11th, because I have been experiencing a few things. The biggest concern I had was that I have had extreme pain (a sharp stabbing pain) near my sternum. I also have sharp stomach cramps, nausea, and diarrhea after everything I eat; it gets worse if it is greasy, spicy, or dairy products. When I discussed this with my doctor he seemed concerned that it is my gallbladder. He set up an appointment for an ultrasound to see if I have gallstones...it came back negative. Therefore, tomorrow I am having a Hida Scan done. I will lay on a table for an hour or so, they will inject a radioactive dye in my veins, a machine will take pictures as it follows the dye through my veins. This scan will tell them if I have gallstones, if my gallbladder is working properly, if there is any blockage in my bile ducts, etc... If this comes back negative my doctor wants to do a scope to see if I have ulcers.

Here is to hoping that everything is okay!!!