Today's post is not something I don't talk about that often, if fact I try to avoid the subject as much as possible. That is my weight! I have struggled with my weight for a large part of my life. It has always been a constant battle; one not many people understand. There have been times when I have hated myself because of my weight. There are so many different ways I've tried to lose the weight. There are times I have been humiliated, teased, and tortured because of my weight. The hardest part of being made fun of is that I have tried to lose the weight; it is not something I enjoy in my life (like some of my fellow classmates thought)yet they don't understand the pain they caused me. I was in the 5th grade when I really noticed I was heavier than my classmates, not because I visually saw it, but because the other kids made sure to point it out. As I have grown older I have tried to figure out when and why I started to gain the weight. I don't really have the answer quite yet, but I believe a large part of the weight is built as a shield; a way to protect myself from getting hurt (even though it didn't work very well, it only brought more pain). There was a time in junior high school that I finally had enough of the comments that I went to the extreme. I remember that I went to my P.E. teacher (Mrs. Smith), I told her that I needed help in losing some weight. At this time I don't know how much I weighed, but she agreed to meet with me before school and help me work out. I went to the gym every morning and worked out with my teacher, I made sure I put all of my heart into gym class later in the day, and I did what no girl should ever do...I stopped eating. I quickly started to lose the weight and the comments started to change from being called "Shamu" to "Wow! Sam, you are looking great!" I liked it and kept with it for the rest of the year. Again, I don't recall how much I weighed, but in my mind I was getting healthy and people were noticing. Well, Mrs. Smith left Roy Junior and I quickly put the weight back on; in fact I kept gaining over the years. Junior high school was an incredible time for me despite the name calling and comments. In high school I continued to gain, unfortunately the names continued all the way to graduation day (toughest was walking to get my diploma and boys made comments as I walked by). I allowed my weight to dictate my life. I missed out on so many opportunities and adventures because I felt I was to heavy and I would be judged.
I don't write this down today for sympathy or kind words, I write down my experiences as motivation for myself. At the beginning of January I hit my all time highest weight and it scared me. In February I had my surgery, I went to a doctors appointment on April 12th and I had lost 14 pounds. I wanted to keep up this weight loss in a healthy way. So, I have decided to eat healthier and exercise daily (simple I know)! Since April I have lost an additional 3 pounds.It is coming slowly, but surely. My goal is to lose 30 pounds by the end of the year. It doesn't seem like a lot, but I know it will take a lot.
So, I close with encouraging words to myself....
The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination. - Tommy Lasorda
Samantha, I know you didn't write this for sympathy, but my heart truly goes out to you and all who have been tease for something as trivial as weight. I know being healthy is important, and it is something I struggle with as well. Could I reference this post in my next blog? Thank you.
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